So there is a bizarre conference going on here at the moment. Lots of girls dressed like beauty queens (tiaras, sashes, country and state/province names etc) wandering around. Except, not to put too fine a point on it, these ain’t beauty queens, because they ain’t beautiful. And not even on an absolute scale - in a group of five or six of them, the one with the tiara will be the, er, plainest of the lot. Not a problem of course, this could be a refreshingly non-superficial competition, based on intelligence, humour, hot-dog eating, something of importance to these girls’ lives.
So what then? After some cunning internet sleuthing, I’ve found out what they are - this is the Summer Supreme Session of Job’s Daughters International. Excuse me? Never heard of them? Well, these good folks are “an organization of young women between the ages of 10 and 20 who are related to a Master Mason”. So of course you haven’t heard about them. That’s all part of the secretive Masonic plan. Because as anyone who has read The Book of All Truth knows, the Masons privately rule the world because they protect Jesus’s albino young’uns. Or something. Which brings me back to those tiaras and sashes - clearly, they denote the girls most closely related to the Big Man Upstairs. And there’s me calling them plain. I’ve got some praying to do.